How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
