So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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