you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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