Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
