hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
