I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
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