my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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