i jhust puked up my retainher.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
