i was born a porn star she said
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
