There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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