did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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