I think my vagina is haunted
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
