goodnight i made you a song goodbye
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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