Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
