He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
