Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
