Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
