the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
