i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
