he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
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