I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
