well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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