Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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