I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Randomize
