Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
