So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
