so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
