don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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