Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
He's a Shit stain on my heart
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
