ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
