I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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