um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
