I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
