you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Randomize
