I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
