I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
