I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
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