3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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