i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
