The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
