He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
