Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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