I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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