You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
