time to smoke my breakfast
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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