Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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