Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
