i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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