and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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