i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
