the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
only if we run a train.
done.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
