I will die if light touches me.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
