New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
