thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
