omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
